Healing Powers

August 29th is Harrison's birthday. This year he turned 7! It was on a Sunday this year. Harrison woke to a house full of balloons on the ground and 7's in every color of construction paper taped to EVERYTHING; he got to pick out what time we went to mass; where we went out to eat afterwards, and what we were going to do for the day. I love birthdays. They were such a big deal in my family when I was a child. It was a day that my parents made us feel so important and special. It is a tradition I have enjoyed passing along to my children. The night before Ryan and I left an engagement party early so I could transform the house. During the transformation, I could not help but think a year earlier, I was doing this only with Adalynne on board. She was here last year for Harrison's birthday; and this year she is gone. I prayed so hard for strength. God, please let this day be about Harrison; please give me the strength to celebrate his life and not miss hers.

My big guy woke up early and said, "he felt like he was seven." Oh, he is such a doll. He was in amazement at the balloons, streamers draped on anything that was suitable to hold a streamer, and paper 7's on EVERYTHING. He felt special; goal achieved. Harrison wanted to go the the 9:00 mass because they have donuts. Afterwards he wanted to go to "IHOCK". He calls IHOP "IHOCK" no matter how many times Ryan and I tell him it is called IHOP; too cute. I was on autopilot. I could not help but think that the last birthday I celebrated, of a child of mine, was Adalynne's. Harrison opened his gifts as soon as he woke up. A DS lite and some games. He said he wanted a DSI, so he would ask Santa for one for Christmas. I told Harrison, if he can keep up the the DS lite for a year he can upgrade; losing it a week later and then finding at the beginning of October. We never thought to look under the couch in the front room. The boys never go in there; but there it was.

Harrison was having a wonderful birthday. We even went by his Nina's to play. On our way home we stopped by Publix to get stuff to make Harrison's birthday dinner. He wanted me to make red sauce with meatballs and spaghetti; Caesar salad; and french bread. He loves mom's red sauce. Ryan and I split the list to make this as quick as possible with both boys in tow. Oh, and the yellow cake with chocolate frosting and candles; we almost forgot the most important part!

I passed by the pregnancy tests, and thought I have taken at least 20 of these this month. I will take one more and then just let go. The ones the day before were kind of positive. Yes, I said ones; so they were inconclusive. We will have another baby when the time is right. When we were checking out, Ryan asked me how many tests I had taken this month. I told him too many. I was embarrassed. Ryan said something about me needing to get help because I was crazy for taking so many test and I should call someone. He was half kidding, and I laughed it off in embarrassment. I knew my test taking was out of control, but it was Harrison's birthday and it was not the time nor the place to have this conversation with Ryan.

Once we go home I started Harrison's birthday dinner. But before I started his dinner there was one task I had to complete; a test with no pass or fail. With Ryan downstairs and the boys playing an intense Wii football game; I made my way to the boy's bathroom. I took it. I waited three minutes. And, there it was one very pink line and a second very light pink line. Oh my goodness!! Oh my gosh!! We are pregnant I thought! Of all days to find out! Our three months of trying had finally created another gift! HAPPY BIRTHDAY HARRISON, I thought!! What a day of celebration. I screamed for Ryan to come quick. He came to the boys' bathroom and I showed him the test, like I was a proud student with my first A+. I passed! I passed! I mean it's positive!! It's positive!! "Ryan we are pregnant," I said. He looks at the test once and says it's not definitively positive. He waits a minutes, looks at it again and says okay it is positive. I throw my arms around his neck, collapsing into his chest and start sobbing. I look up at him and say through my joyous tears, "do you know the healing powers this baby will bring to our family? It is like God knows I was struggling with not having Adalynne here with us today to celebrate her wonderful big brother; and he blessed us with this gift another life to celebrate." The rest of Harrison's birthday went off without a hitch. He even got a card from his little sister Adalynne; which made him smile sadly. He blew out his candles seventeen times. Ryan had convinced Harrison that he was magic. He must be a wizard and that is why the candles kept relighting. We did not tell Harrison they were trick candles. It was a magical night.