The Prognosis
The next couple of days were filled with ultrasounds, doctors' appointments, and an amniocentesis. I reached out to our church, soccer teams, friends, family frantically asking for prayers. What we knew was that Adalynne was a very sick little girl. She had a part of her brain missing called the vermis, her heart had a hole in it and her aorta was narrowed, her kidneys were not producing urine like they should among other things. The doctor was going to call us on Thursday with the amniocentesis results. "It is very unlikely it is going to be Trisomy 13 or 18," she said.
I was sitting on the living room hardwood floor with the computer in my lap when my phone rang. It was her and it was Trisomy 13, which is not compatible with life. It was a blur what she was saying. I hung up and dropped the phone, screaming "no", "this is so unfair" and I, simply broke down. I made sounds that were not human, all of the emotions that I had held in the past several days broke, like a dam. How are we going to tell the boys their "little cheerleader" is destined to be something much greater? She will cheer you guys on, but from sidelines with a much better view.
"I beg you…to have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Don’t search for the answers, which could not be given to you now because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually without even noticing it, live your way into the answer." -rainer maria rilke
I was sitting on the living room hardwood floor with the computer in my lap when my phone rang. It was her and it was Trisomy 13, which is not compatible with life. It was a blur what she was saying. I hung up and dropped the phone, screaming "no", "this is so unfair" and I, simply broke down. I made sounds that were not human, all of the emotions that I had held in the past several days broke, like a dam. How are we going to tell the boys their "little cheerleader" is destined to be something much greater? She will cheer you guys on, but from sidelines with a much better view.
"I beg you…to have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Don’t search for the answers, which could not be given to you now because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually without even noticing it, live your way into the answer." -rainer maria rilke
Comments
Post a Comment