Muddy Knees
It is so pretty outside today. We told the boys we were going to visit Adalynne yesterday, but they wanted to go today instead. Harrison corrected me saying, "It is not Adalynne. It is her gravesite." We stopped by the grocery store on our way and got pink lilies; they do better in the cold than roses. Before we left the house Harrison said, "I have a bad feeling you are going to cry." I thought to myself, "I have a feeling I am going to cry, too." But, instead I put on a front and told Harrison, " Harrison it is okay to cry and it is not a bad feeling and it is okay to be sad." "I know it is okay to cry and that it is not bad, but I just think you are going to cry." And, I left it at that.
I was really quiet in the car on the way to where Adalynne's body is resting. I was trying to figure our how I was feeling. Harrison talked nonstop and I tried so hard to answer his questions, but I was lost in my own thoughts and silent prayers for strength. At one poit, Ryan reached over and grabbed my hand squeezing it.
The dirt was still fresh and all of her flowers had since wilted. Ryan placed her pink lilies in the glass vase ontop of the fresh dirt, while I knelt down. I know she is not there, and knowing that made the trip so much easier than I had thought it would be. Someone left a shoe print on the fresh dirt that I wiped away. I sat there and just stared at the reddish colored soil thinking, "it seemed like a lifetime ago she was here. I wonder what she is doing in heaven, who is holding her." I looked up at the perfect blue sky, feeling the sun on my face, and smiled because I am at peace today. Houston placed his little four year old hand on the dirt as we were leaving and Harrison said, "goodbye." We got up heading for the car, me with muddy knees and a fresh insight. Coming to Adalynne's resting place is not as hard as I thought it would be. Maybe, I was able to repress my true feelings infront of the boys, or maybe it is okay either way for today I am at peace.
As we were leaving we found a white rose from Adalynne's celebration on the ground under a bench infront of Adalynne's resting place. Ryan asked Houston, if he wanted to go put it in the vase of a two month old little boy who is across the way from Adalynne, because he had no flowers in his. And he did. On our way back to the car we gathered the few pink and white ribbons that were left, from the balloons we released on the day of Adalynne's celebration.
I was really quiet in the car on the way to where Adalynne's body is resting. I was trying to figure our how I was feeling. Harrison talked nonstop and I tried so hard to answer his questions, but I was lost in my own thoughts and silent prayers for strength. At one poit, Ryan reached over and grabbed my hand squeezing it.
The dirt was still fresh and all of her flowers had since wilted. Ryan placed her pink lilies in the glass vase ontop of the fresh dirt, while I knelt down. I know she is not there, and knowing that made the trip so much easier than I had thought it would be. Someone left a shoe print on the fresh dirt that I wiped away. I sat there and just stared at the reddish colored soil thinking, "it seemed like a lifetime ago she was here. I wonder what she is doing in heaven, who is holding her." I looked up at the perfect blue sky, feeling the sun on my face, and smiled because I am at peace today. Houston placed his little four year old hand on the dirt as we were leaving and Harrison said, "goodbye." We got up heading for the car, me with muddy knees and a fresh insight. Coming to Adalynne's resting place is not as hard as I thought it would be. Maybe, I was able to repress my true feelings infront of the boys, or maybe it is okay either way for today I am at peace.
As we were leaving we found a white rose from Adalynne's celebration on the ground under a bench infront of Adalynne's resting place. Ryan asked Houston, if he wanted to go put it in the vase of a two month old little boy who is across the way from Adalynne, because he had no flowers in his. And he did. On our way back to the car we gathered the few pink and white ribbons that were left, from the balloons we released on the day of Adalynne's celebration.
The Cord
ReplyDeleteWe are connected, my child and I
By an invisible cord, not seen by the eye.
It's not like the cord that connects us at birth,
For this cord can't be seen by any on earth.
This cord does its work right from the start,
It binds us together..attached by the heart.
I know that it's there, though no one can see
this invisible cord, from my child to me.
The strength of this cord,it's hard to describe,
It can't be destroyed; it can't be denied.
It's stronger than any cord that man could create....
It withstands the test, can hold any weight.
And though you are gone and not here with me,
The cord is still there though no one can see.
It pulls at my heart, I am bruised, I am sore,
But this cord is my lifeline as never before.
I'm thankful that God connects us this way
A mother and a child....death can't take it away.
Author Unknown
Dear Vinett Family,
ReplyDeleteI cry while reading your blog. I rarely am at a loss of words. I start to reply but just leave it with a silent prayer. Ericka, you have inspired and touched so many of us. I click on your website with so many mixed feelings. I ask myself while reading your beautiful journey if I was in your shoes could I possibly be as faith-filled and strong. I would hope so. It's overwhelming to me what your family have endured but what is more overwhelming is how you have fought the good fight and the person you have become because of it. You are a special person and God chose you & Ryan to be Miss Adalynne's parents. She is a lucky girl. Thank you for sharing your journey with so many people. You have made a footprint on a lot of lives just as Adalynne has in you. She is a special lil' girl so now she is in the most special place. Please always stay strong. And know there are a lot of prayers floating around for you and your family. You are beautiful inside and out. May God bless you all in this time of sadness.and continue to bring you comfort & strength.
beautiful
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